New Delhi, 2017
“Delhi was alive that night, the streets buzzing with their usual chaos. But in my hotel room, it was just me and my drink—a few too many, if I’m honest. It had been a long day, and the drink felt like a well-earned reward, something to help me relax before the early flight back home the next morning. That night, though, it turned out to be more than just a drink. It became another reminder of how hard it is to break free from a pattern.”
Relapses Along the Way
Sometimes, the smallest moments carry the heaviest fears. That night in Nagpur, a simple nosebleed made me question everything I was avoiding.
“Quitting isn’t a straight path. You tell yourself, ‘This time, I’ll stop,’ and maybe you do for a while. But then something happens—a bad day, a stressful meeting, a celebration—and the pattern creeps back in. That’s how it was for me. I’d tried to quit drinking before, and for a time, I’d succeed. But the habits, the routines—they have a way of finding you again.”
The Missed Flight
“That night in Delhi was one of those moments. I’d told myself it was just a drink to unwind, a harmless way to end a long day. But one drink became three, three became more, and by the time morning came, I wasn’t ready to face the day. I missed my flight—not just because I was physically unprepared, but because I’d let the apathy that comes with a relapse take over. It wasn’t the first time, and it wouldn’t be the last.”
The Missed Start Line
“There was another moment—another relapse in disguise. I’d signed up for one of India’s highest and toughest trail races, excited to prove to myself what I was capable of. But the night before, carelessness struck again. Drinks, poor decisions, and a groggy morning led to me missing the start line entirely. I still laced up and ran, determined to finish despite myself.”
“And I did finish, within the cutoff, medal in hand. But as much as I loved that medal, I couldn’t shake the feeling of what I’d missed. Relapses have a way of doing that—of making even the victories feel bittersweet because you know it could have been more.”
What Relapses Have Taught Me
- They’re Not the End:
“Relapses feel like failures, but they’re not. They’re moments to pause, reflect, and reset. The key is to keep moving forward, no matter how many times you stumble.” - Progress Isn’t Linear:
“You won’t always start strong, and you won’t always get it right. What matters is that you keep showing up, even if you’re late to the start line.” - Compassion Over Judgment:
“It’s easy to be hard on yourself when you slip, to let shame take over. But shame doesn’t help you move forward—compassion does. Relapses are part of the journey, not the end of it.”
What This Means for You
“If you’ve ever felt the weight of a relapse, I want you to know you’re not alone. Whether it’s missing a flight, a start line, or a promise to yourself, the important thing is to keep going. Relapses don’t erase your progress—they’re just part of the process.”
“Ask yourself: What can I learn from this moment? What will I do differently next time? And most importantly, how will I show up again, even when it feels hard?”
Closing Thought
“That night in Delhi, I missed more than a flight. That morning on the trail, I missed more than the start line. But in both moments, I learned that relapses don’t define you—they remind you that the journey is still worth it. Keep going. Your next finish line is waiting.”
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